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Joke of the Day

"My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault"

"A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda"

"If Trump wins on Nov. 8th.... will his wife be called ""The Third Lady""?"

"I made my will yesterday and had to make my lawyer the beneficiary because my estate will just about cover his bill"

"The penis mightier than the sword. haha penis."

"Q: How many over eager PA's does it take to screw in a li... A: Done!"

"Reverend have you been drinking? Just water, officer. Then why do I smell wine? Good Lord! He's done it again!!!"

"I just heard a beautiful poem... ""I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig, we all dig."" I'll admit it's not a very *beautiful* poem, but it sure is deep."

"Me: Can I please sleep? Brain: No. Now sing Mambo #5 again. Me: But I hate that song! Brain: I don't give a shit! Me: 1, 2, 3-4-5..."

"I was talking to a Hiroshima survivor about his near death experience... He told me he saw the light"