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Joke of the Day

"Hey doofus, the fashion police called. Your father died last night on duty. He wanted you to have this. ""Slim fitting houndstooth peacoat*"

"I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence."

"Being the life of the party doesn't mean being the whore of the night."

"Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break."

"Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos"

"You know why half a joke isn't funny?"

"A blind man walks into a bar and a table and a chair."

"sent someone a text that said ""you need medieval catheter"" when i actually meant ""medical attention"" and i didn't bother correcting myself"

"""What's green and eats nuts?"" ""Syphilis!"""

"What do you call a middle eastern sorceress? A sandwitch"