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Joke of the Day

"I'm done drinking for good... Now I drink for Evil."

"I misspelled ""marriage"" and Auto Correct changed it to ""mirage."" What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?"

"""These mushrooms aren't poisonous!"" - Somebody's last words"

"Interviewer: Nice, a 4.0. Straight A's! Me: No, blood alcohol content."

"My favourite mythical creature is the happy woman in the tampon adverts"

"BBC News: Man is killed by wave. Fuck, how big was the other guy's hand!?"

"""Check engine"" Yep, it's still there."

"I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap."

"""Daddy, how do you spell Budweiser?"" ""Uhhh....why?"" ""I'm drawing a picture of you for school."" ""Cool! It's spelled G-A-T-O-R-A-D-E."""

"Two men walk into a bar... You'd think the second one would've noticed"