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Joke of the Day

"If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I'd go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late."

"Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it's just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone."

"How does Princess Leia masturbate? Hand Solo"

"If I park 20 spots from the store in an empty parking lot and you park next to me, I'm slamming my door into your car 34 times."

"(This one is better said than read)... What do you call a fish with no eyes?... ...a ***Fsh!!***"

"There are three kinds of people in this world.... Ones that can count and ones that can't"

"Since the world is doing reposts. ""Knock knock"" you: ""Who's there?"" me: ""hoo"" you: ""Who's hoo?"" me: ""What're you, an owl?"""

"My voicemail greeting is just me strangling a cat while reading bible passages."

"I'm the most bashful person in the world, until you get me on the dance floor. Then I become the most bashful newborn giraffe in the world."

"What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces? Guacamole."