152724

Joke of the Day

"Why did the mexican take xanax? For hispanics attacks"

"I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory"

"[Mon] Boss: Let's talk about your clothes Adam: But it's my best leaf B: You need officewear A: Understood [Tues] B: Is that a sticky note?"

"life is just a series of people giving up on you til your body gives up too but yeah sure, I'll bring my famous guacamole to the baby shower"

"As a gay man with a background in the arts, there's precious little to keep me occupied in prison. To be honest, I just get bored."

"that I like being lazy more..."

"My girlfriend said I didn't respect her freedom enough So I told her to stop rattling in her cage"

"Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!"

"What did the ISIS shepherd get arrested for? Trafficking sex workers."

"Do you know why I love working out? Because I always feel like a weight has been lifted."