152711

Joke of the Day

"Vodka & Vicodin are the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was."

"I'm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, tell them, I'm outstanding."

"Food snobs ""May I take your order? "" the waiter asked. ""Yes, how do you prepare your chickens? "" ""Nothing special sir,"" he replied. ""We just tell them straight out that they're going to die. """

"Magician: ""Think of a number."" Me: ""Okay."" Magician: ""Are you thinking of a number?"" Me: ""Yes."" *the crowd goes wild with applause*"

"Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger? To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet."

"Yo Mama is so fat she had to be baptized at Sea world. (Lionheartyz)"

"Come to the light side [Original source (in Russian)](http://peggy-s.livejournal.com/318323.html) - Come to the light side, we have marshmallows - I want cookies - Cookies are on the dark side"

"Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If you'd put things away you'd know where to find them."

"[presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11"

"I'll tell you something about my wife She absolutely loves ~~cunilungas~~ ~~cunnilengus~~ ~~cunnelinges~~ cunnilingus Sorry, I always have trouble getting my tongue around it"