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Joke of the Day
"How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits."
Next Joke
"Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations."
"""What time is it?"" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*"
"My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood"
"Dinner-$25 Margarita-$8 Girls night out-$33 Yelling ""Hey Sl@t"" and watching 12 different girls turn around- Priceless"
"What is a salad's favorite type of road? A bowl-ivard"
"What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called? Chrysler Concentrate"
"Helen Keller walks into a bar and a table. And some chairs."
"Comment on every picture of someone's dog, ""What is this"""
"I'm 30 and my knees won't even let me leap down steps to catch a subway. So yes, I think the Die Hard franchise is unrealistic."