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Joke of the Day
"I like my women like I like my men. That's the joke. I'm bi."
Next Joke
"Did you guys hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? He turned out to be a seasoned veteran."
"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies."
"When I see something funny on the internet, I don't usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual."
"ME: *eating shepherd's pie* this is really yummy SHEPHERD: hey, that's my pie"
"If a man says something in the forest, and no women hear him Is he still wrong?"
"*me at fast food counter* ""hey mister, did this meat bark or meow?"" ""It asked stupid questions."""
"I have a rude joke about Canadians! Sorry?"
"sorry I haven't been tweeting much lately. I've been reading the Cheesecake Factory menu"
"The doctors were concerned... ..about my headaches, so they sent me for a brain scan. They found nothing. Still concerned, they gave me an IQ test. The results were negative."