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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a poor pepper farmer? A jalapeno pauper"

"I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat."

"Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden's Endless Pasta for their last meal? If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system."

"I wish people would stop only talking about Jesus and just start acting like him."

"Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder"

"Please spare me the agony of listening to your relationship problems if you always end up with the same idiot."

"How to make holy water You shake the hell out of it."

"Me: Gonna go see Gym. Friend: You mean go to the gym? Me: No, Gym is Geoff's brother."

"I used to have a terrible addiction to soap... ...but I'm clean now."

"Shout out to all the frozen desserts out there. Step to me with a dessert that ain't frozen and I'll snap your damn face off"