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Joke of the Day

"Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee."

"My girlfriend says I can't visualise things I can't imagine why."

"Cahoots Husband comes home at night, goes to bed to his wife, embraces her - going to make love with her... Wife drowsily: *What are you all today - in cahoots or something?*"

"I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion."

"Kim Kardashian getting 6 million dollars stolen is a lot like if I got the condom that's been in my wallet since I was 12 stolen... Am I gonna miss it? Yeah. Was I gonna use it? No."

"I just killed 84 birds with 1 stone at Petsmart, totally destroying the previous record of 2."

"A hillbilly walks up to his sister and says ""have sex with me."" She replies ""if you incest."""

"What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete."

"Why is the letter ""t"" so important to a stick insect? Without it would be a sick insect."

"Calculus Joke http://i.imgur.com/4s8NLUO.jpg Not mine, but thought I'd share anyway. Hope you like it!"