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Joke of the Day

"[Gets arrested] Officer: You get one phone call... *hangs up a few minutes later. Can you turn the radio up? I requested a song."

"My friend's name is Iceewe Neer He sounds like a dick but once you get to know him he's actually pretty chill."

"What is the difference between a Cat fish and a lawyer? One is a shit eating bottom sucker. The other one is a fish..."

"I get SO ANGRY whenever I see someone with their wallet chained to their belt I can't fucking take it"

"""Hey Russell, You Want to Win Another Super Bowl?"" Wilson: ""Nah, I'll pass."" Just saw this on Facebook."

"Moses opens his tablet. The notification says, ""You have 10 unread commandments'."

"What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States? We wouldn't have to pay her as much."

"A guy tells his doctor ""I have a good pee every morning at 7.. ""And a good bowel movement at 8."" Doctor says ""OK so what's the trouble?"" Man says ""I don't get out of bed till 9!"""

"Whhat do jellybeans and the world have in common? Everyone hates the black ones!"

"Why were there coffe beans at the subway station? Because they were under-ground."