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Joke of the Day

"""Hey, what's that Febreeze that smells like Fireball?"" Yeah, non-alchoholics call that cinnamon."

"What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again."

"I just like to sleep naked... The flight attendant could have been a bit more understanding."

"*cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*"

"Getting married for sex... is like flying on an airplane for food."

"So many things have made me laugh today but not one of them was funny."

"Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A: If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked."

"Why did ebola cross the road? To infect more people and make them shit out their insides and sweat blood."

"Life isn't about the moments that take our breath away. That's asthma. You're thinking of asthma."

"Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win."