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Joke of the Day

"i'm trying to lose weight so i ordered a salad and i immediately got annoyed thinking about the salad i would have to eat."

"A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it's time to go inside."

"Did you hear how Argentina lost the game? heard it was pretty Messi"

"What do you call a fire on the beach? Bernie Sanders"

"My friends call me an attention whore, but that can't be true Just look at me!"

"What sound does a Chinese cat make? Mao"

"Q: What's red and looks like a bucket? A: A red bucket."

"I'd like to tell you I can keep you safe Son but lets be realistic here, we're dealing with a closet that has a God damn monster in it."

"Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant."

"What does it mean when a blind girl says you have a big penis? She's probably just pulling your leg!"