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Joke of the Day

"Talking too much is a sign of insecurity. So is keeping too quiet. So is breathing and having been born a human."

"Why won't the holocaust survivor vote for Bernie Sanders? He doesn't want to feel the Bern."

"Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."

"What do you call a group of ears? A heard"

"GOD: Mark, I have chosen you. You will know answers to all of life's mysteries, just listen to the voicemail I left you. ME: voicemail? ugh"

"In 'One Really Long Metal Claw' (the bear version of 'Hook'), what did Captain Onereallylongmetalclaw really hate? Clawcks."

"It's a shame the Parisian Christmas Buttplug was destroyed... It fitted in so well."

"Why is there a 100,000 oil limit in World of Warcraft Garrisons? Because anything more than that might cause an invasion by the United States of America!"

"What kind of dinosaur writes poetry? A Bronte-saurus."

"I recently learned diarrhea is genetic... Yeah, it runs in your genes."