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Joke of the Day

"*you see a bear approaching you* Quick play dead! *bears comes running up* Oh god! OH GOD! What's happening!? Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?"

"When it comes to sex, when is a man the smartest? Before, during or after sex? During. Because your plugged into a ""know it all."""

"Kissing is weird as hell. ""Um I really like you so I'm going to taste the inside of your face for a little while."""

"Here in England, we drive on the right side of the road. If we drove on the wrong side, there'd be a lot more crashes."

"I watched her squeeze into the booth, finish 3 Egg McMuffins, & stand-up. ""My knees are killing me, it must be the cold weather,"" she said."

"What do you call a man that brews beer? A Hebrew."

"Who makes more money - a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute- she can wash her crack and resell it."

"Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock."

"I still occasionally fap over my ex Made a copy of the key to her place when we were together, and she's a heavy sleeper"

"""Be careful when you follow the Masses. Sometimes the 'M' is silent."""