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Joke of the Day

"To make it safer to use the mobile phone when I'm driving, I've deleted all my German male contacts. I now completely Hans free."

"How does a Russian catch fish? A niet!"

"Why doesn't Shirley Manson change her Facebook relationship status? She's only happy when ""It's Complicated."""

"Did you hear that the CEO of Under Armour got in trouble with police recently? He was caught KEVIN, PLANKING, in a restricted area!"

"What do cookies do when they have sex? They crumb. Alternate: ""What does a cookie say when its having sex?"" ""I'm crumbing"""

"I think armless persons are the best You've gotta hand it to them."

"What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS? CaliphNotes!"

"The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you."

"Why do demons love apostrophes? They show possession."

"Man! It's raining cats and dogs out there! *MEEEW* SPLAT! *AARFF* SPLAT! Did I close my sunroof? SON OF BITCH!"