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Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to dispose of bodies? Put the ashes in the donuts."

"My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation."

"I saw a pink bird with a sore throat. Must have been a phlegmingo."

"If you can read this please let me know because, it means I blocked the wrong person. I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline!"

"My brother was in a car accident yesterday... and lost both his left arm and left leg. Actually, he's my half brother. He's all right now."

"You can always count on me. Unless standing up for you will make people hate me. Then you're on your own."

"Why do women make bad engineers? Their whole lives they have been told 5 inches is 8"

"Did you know you clench your butt when you sleep yeah, it was really tight last night."

"Man next to to me just said into his phone ""You caught me in the middle of a sandwich."" He's lying. He is not in a sandwich."

"True love doesn't care about the look or size of your wallet, it's all about what is inside ..... the wallet."