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Joke of the Day

"A wife went with her husband to his doctors appointment... Doctor: I'm gonna need a urine and stool sample. Wife (to husband): Just give him your underwear honey!!!"

"Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth."

"Pa's being chased by a bull! Well what in tarnation do you want me to do about it? Get me some film for my camera!"

"As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment"

"Teacher And Student Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies? Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from? Student: We borrow it from our neighbor."

"What do white nationalists call three left turns? An alt-right"

"What do you call a hairy gay man who suffers from mood swings? A bipolar bear"

"What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter? A rashtag."

"Every time ""Cops"" comes on I'm like ""PLEASE don't show my episode."""

"[talking with counselor] I don't ""know"" what ""she"" means that I ""use"" excessive air quotes"