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Joke of the Day

"ASTRONAUT: Houston, we have a problem. HOUSTON: Oh, we're fine down here, thanks for asking. Let's make this all about you though, as usual."

"My friend brags to me all the time about the women he has seen naked We both agreed the internet is awesome."

"I like my men like I like my coffee: encouraging my bowel movements"

"Horses are vegans, too, yet you don't hear them yapping on and on about it do you?"

"IF U WANNA BE MY LOVER you gotta get me a large three topping pizza with stuffed crust"

"How does a Welshman find sheep in tall grass? Irresistible."

"I work at a furniture store. My boss asked me to label and price all the new items. I said, ""Hey boss. How do you want me to label this stone armchair?"" He said, ""No man, clay chair."""

"I saw a really lifelike portrait of Donald Trump the other day... ... it was really freaky how the hands followed you around the room."

"Did you hear about the police detective who really bungled the vampire case? He set up a stake out."

"Photographers are the worst! They frame you, then shoot you, then hang you on the wall."