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Joke of the Day

"The seven year old is going to be so surprised when she wakes up in this cage painted green with me yelling ""I caught a leprechaun!"""

"Whats the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates."

"American political party symbols are spot on... Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!"

"I like my women the way I like my coffee in a basket being touched by many Colombian men."

"I may have hit rock bottom, but the upside of being down here, is I can see up all of your skirts. As you were."

"this 'donkey kong' aspires to humanity through the gesture of the necktie. yet it is the hoarding of his wealth that truly makes him human"

"The movie Speed, except this bus driver apparently thinks we'll blow up if he goes over 15 mph."

"People are so nosy, always asking me what I just injected into their neck. Don't worry about it!"

"What's the difference between Jews and Boy Scouts? Boy Scouts get to leave the camp."

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog."