15034

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a weirdo slowly driving a jeep past an elementary school? Jeeper creeper!"

"What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult? Molestation."

"I want to meet the actors who get turned down to act in infomercials. Then I would ask them how their brother Alec Baldwin is doing."

"What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do? ...Stays up all night pondering the existence of a dog"

"The Devil has his own Bible. He's releasing it slowly in internet comment threads all across the web."

"When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people."

"Off to work... A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. Why? What happened at 8.30?'"

"I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night."

"I'm not seeing ""cat herder"" on any of these job websites."

"Why do trash pandas always get into a fight? They trash talk."