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Joke of the Day

"Off to work... A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. Why? What happened at 8.30?'"

"Whats the difference between 3 big black cocks and a joke? Your mum can't take a joke"

"If the liquor store didn't want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window."

"*opens drawer* huh, I don't remember this shirt being pink. OMG...did he...did he do laundry? *slowly opens 2nd drawer* -Law & Order sound"

"What is Error 619? When your kid sleeps in between."

"""I was going to watch a German football team play today, but I couldn't leave the house because I don't know where I left the key."" ""Bayern?"" ""No, I checked the mantelpiece."""

"Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign ..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term"

"I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside."

"What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common? A 1 in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being."

"Parenting Tip: Place fake present under tree with unruly child's name on it and when he misbehaves toss it into the burning fireplace"