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Joke of the Day

"As soon as you see the cop approaching, throw the bag of weed in his hands and do a citizen's arrest."

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"Why does Marx only drink herbal tea? Because property is theft."
"On what grounds did the wife divorce her husband when she found out he was having an affair with the leader of Cuba? Infidelity"
"Accounting Joke: Why did the accountant cross the road? Because that's what they did last year."
"Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument who'd land first? A: Who cares!"
"I'm going to slide down your chimney tonight. Wink. Wink."
"So this guy walks into a bar... JOHN CENA! LIVE AT SUUUUUUUUUPER SLAAM!"
"[offensive] What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country"
"What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other? Let's go get Jobs!"
"Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself? Her: What's zombiefy? Me: ...Your hair looks great!"