150242

Joke of the Day

"I have a question for you guys. After the door bell rings, how long do I have to wait to turn the TV volume back up and make any movement?"

"Marijuana was a big problem in Auschwitz. Jews would go there just to get baked."

"Instead of saying, ""YOLO"", try saying, ""Carpe Diem"". You won't sound like a douche andddd, you won't sound like a douche."

"My mom and her church biddies have morphed Facebook's ""People you may know"" to ""People who likely cleaned your face with spit on a hanky."""

"Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten I guess that's why they fired me."

"I saw a Russian eating a potato.. I said ""Whoa! too soon"". RIP M. Hedberg"

"What do you call a smart person in America? A tourist."

"The Puritans were a bunch of stuck-up pricks. They had such a holier-than-thou attitude."

"The sun is so self centered... It acts like the world revolves around it."

"How to bargain with your wife Me: Can I get a motorcycle? Wife: No. Me: Can. I get a boat? Wife: NO! Me: Can I get a blowjob? Wife: (sighs) Is it a BIG boat?"