150233

Joke of the Day

"Me: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you're smart too, I like that."

"What do you call a Muslim cowboy? Dirty hairy."

"I sent a text to my friend's mobile: ""Lost my contacts. Send me your number"". He replied with his name and number."

"Because telescopes work using mirrors... We'll never know if there are any space vampires."

"Called to my managers office today He said ""you can't wear pyjamas to work you idiot!"" I replied "" everyone else does though"" He replied ""THEIR PATIENTS"""

"[Racist] What does a black women do after having a water birth? Flush the toilet."

"You know what's best about Texas? It's keeps all the texans in one fucking place!"

"Me: let's go vegetarian Husband: can we still eat eggs M: of course H: fish? M: obviously H: bacon on special occas- M: we'd be crazy not to"

"This grocery store is playing ""Freebird"" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey."

"I only had a few friends before I got on Twitter. Now I don't have any."