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Joke of the Day

"DENTIST: Been flossing? ME: Yup D: [reaches into my mouth & pulls out a copy of the NY Times dated 7/5/14] I put this in there last time"

"People complain about Facebook privacy settings, but I'm still standing 5 inches away from the guy in the urinal next to me."

"*A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink* WHERE DOES THE ARCHIVED MICROSOFT OUTLOOK EMAIL GO."

"To all of the dyslexic population of Reddit: **UNTIE**"

"Boss asked if I was ready for more responsibility. I'm eating around a sticker on an apple cause I'm too lazy to peel it off so I guess no."

"Stevie Wonder was in a horrendous car accident the other week. His life flashed before his ears."

"What do pirates call fat whores? LAND HO!"

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No? Either have they."

"i just found a web site where you can see women with no clothes on not even underwear! brb!"

"I'd probably be, like, 5% cooler if I wasn't terrified of being on a moving skateboard."