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Joke of the Day

"A man seeking to lose some of his excess weight visited the local doctor. John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off."

"Q: What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets? A: An onion."

"I have the Quran on CD... People sure are getting upset when I said I burned it."

"Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed Trump: I'm gonna be the president Castro: well then"

"""Welcome to fightclub you may now kiss the bride."""

"A Funeral Director isn't the best position in this economy... It's a dying trade"

"""What about this? What about this? And this?""--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer."

"I peed on the elevator. That's wrong on SO many levels."

"Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It's like, dude, he's the sun. They make sunglasses because of him."

"I didn't know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer."