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Joke of the Day

"Acid shoes I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I dont know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day"

"I spent 96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein. It was the grater of two evils."

"I like my women like I like my cars Black, loud, heavy, and full of gas."

"What is the only feeling that's worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat? Sitting on a warm one."

"So a farmer goes to the doctor... And the doctor says, ""I need to talk to you about your overall health."" and the farmer says, ""Well my overalls are just fine thanks you!""."

"No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ's face I don't think he's going to play them. Here come the police they'll help me"

"No need to write it down, I've a photographic memory *looks hard af* *pukes polaroid*"

"Why do ninjas make bad porn stars? Because nobody can see them coming."

"A gay deer walks out of a bar And says, ""man, I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!!"""

"What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet? Anything you want. He can't hear a thing."