149839

Joke of the Day

"Following someone on Twitter and complaining about what they tweet about is like phoning someone to tell them you don't want to talk to them"

"What does it take to finish a race? More than a Holocaust"

"two elephants and a drum kit fall of a cliff... badum-dum-tish"

"The difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? one is a crusty bus station."

"Texas. Where the vegan menu item is chicken."

"I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 4K"

"I always hang on the rim after I dunk because it's really high up and I'm scared."

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair!"

"Last night I dreamt I laid in bed all day drinking wine, eating chocolate & watching Netflix. Tomorrow I'm making my dreams come true."

"The number of times you say ""Don't judge me"" is directly proportional to the amount of things you do that you know are wrong."