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Joke of the Day

"The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled ""HOLD ON!"" yet."

"So Philip Seymour Hoffman is in the new Hunger Games . . . If anything can bring him back, it's some powerful heroine."

"Googling your symptoms when you don't feel well is the most efficient way to convince yourself you're dying."

"Short joke I thought of. What's the difference between sheep and women? The Welsh don't know yet either."

"No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates."

"Tim's father has three sons: Snap, crackle, and...? Tim"

"Giving your kid a recorder and telling him to go home and practice is how teachers get revenge on society for paying them so poorly."

"Why is North Korea so cruel? Because it doesn't have a Seoul!"

"Netflix is red, Xanax is blue. Put them together for a fun afternoon."

"How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box."