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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid I was afraid of the dentist... Probable because he was a pedophile. Which begs the question of, how many fillings did he give me?"

"My wife said to me: ""If you won the lottery, would you still love me? I said: ""Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you"

"If a giant capture you and me and made a smoothie out of us, what would it taste like? It would taste like ""just us""."

"So if my girlfriend can have multiple orgasms, why can't I have multiple girlfriends?"

"One day I'm probably going to be too lazy to breathe and just die."

"What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A Lassie who plays brassie!"

"When someone says ""excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable"", how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time."

"What shoes does Brad wear? Loafers!"

"I'm so good at this Fitbit thing! I reached my daily step goal before I even left my bed this morning!"

"How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue."