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Joke of the Day

"My son can go from ""omg...you're impossible I can't wait until I'm 18!"" To ""you're the best mom ever"" in a matter of $100"

"What do you say to a black guy selling drugs? *""Hello, mr. pharmacist.""* What did you think it would be, you racist?"

"Had sex for the first time yesterday. It was a load off my chest. And a load onto hers."

"Saw this on a shirt Silence is golden: Duct tape is silver"

"'I've been a very naughty girl!' she said, licking her lips, 'I need to be punished . . .' So he invited his mother to stay for Christmas."

"What kind of bird flies around bays? Bagles"

"Knock Knock Knock knock Who's there? A man with short-term memory problems. A man with short-term memory problems who? Knock knock"

"My two friends Rod and Kurt started a business the other day... You should look it up, it's called Kurt and Rod's Curtain Rods."

"Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!"

"2016: No way will Trump win the election 2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes 2018: No way we're doing what those Apes say"