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Joke of the Day

"What did the one eyed thief, with a hook for a hand, call the elven princess? Arrrrrrr-wen"

"What do you call a crazy bug on the moon? A lunar tick."

"Emails from world leaders are streaming in to Hillary Clinton to console her [Deleted]"

"I know I'm in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name"

"Hey, everyone in a minivan-- hit the gas!"

"So a beautiful girl I met was coming to my house.. But I was afraid of getting a boner, so I taped my dick to my leg. She shows up in a mini-skirt, smoking hot.. so I kicked her in the face."

"An obgyn was fired from his job So decided to become a comedian, but he failed at that as well. I guess he just always screwed up the delivery..."

"Just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock. It's not great, but it gets me out the house."

"Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ? A: They never know when to come in."

"I don't mind being back on my meds... I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me."