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Joke of the Day

"*takes coffee from hot barista *makes eye contact *smiles *winks *sips scalding coffee ""Thankth, thexy! Theeya!"" *walks outside *screams"

"If someone approaches you and offers you a Black Eyed Peas album, remain calm. You have just encountered a member of the Black Eyed Peas."

"It's amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff."

"4-year-old: Why do robbers steal money? Me: So they can buy stuff. 4: Why don't they just steal the stuff? She's a criminal mastermind."

"Mexican, Chinese, Jew & Black jokes are all the same. Once Jew heard Juan, Yu heard Jamal."

"I told my wife 'a blowjob a day keeps the doctor away.' For Christmas she bought me better medical coverage."

"I'm in the hospital with meningitis, so here's a joke on the back of my tiny $10.00 juice box : what kind of shoes are made from bananas? Slippers."

"It's not that I'm antisocial. My phone just happens to be a lot more interesting than the entire human population."

"""Remember six seconds ago when you were comfortable?"" - oscillating fans"

"I like my men how I like my coffee, Inside of me."