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Joke of the Day

"*takes coffee from hot barista *makes eye contact *smiles *winks *sips scalding coffee ""Thankth, thexy! Theeya!"" *walks outside *screams"

"Hubs: "" Few glasses of wine tonight hun""? Me: "" Yeah, I had a glass of red"" Hubs : "" Just one eh"" Me: "" Well I use the same glass"""

"There's a lot of mountains high enough to keep me away from you. You see that Everest mountain? Ain't no way I'm climbing that for you."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a Lickalotopuss"

"Just laminated my dad."

"What do you call a camera that shoots out true facts about an ancient Phoenician city? A Canon, Canaan-canon cannon... (I'm not sorry...)"

"Why did the marine park worker feel aimless? Because they lacked porpoises."

"What does disappointment feel like? [deleted]"

"Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain... You were waiting for the punchline but it never came."

"Would you rather...? Would you rather have fucked a goat but nobody knows, or everyone thinks you fucked a goat but you didnt and there's no way to change their mind?"