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Joke of the Day

"George Lucas, the creator of ""Star Wars,"" is 70 years old today. George didn't bother celebrating. He spent the day making unnecessary changes to all his earlier birthdays."

"I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. ""Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?"" ""Yes"""

"When my wife left, I was sad and lonely So I got a dog, a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blew a grand on drugs and alcohol. She's going to go fucking nuts when she gets back from work."

"So, I picked up a girl last night at a Rapture party and we went back to my place... When I woke up in the morning she was gone!"

"How much lube do you need for anal? A buttload."

"Incontinence Hotline Could you hold, please?"

"My wife just told me she's leaving me if I don't stop drinking I told her "" Come on honey just one more drink, and I will help you pack!"

"I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg I said to him: ""I bet I know what your favourite holiday is."" He said: ""You've got to love Easter, baby."""

"What do the Welsh call safe sex? Spray painting the sheep that bite."

"5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole."