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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car in an abortion clinic parking lot? Going inside to ask for a hanger."

"Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because all those men already have boyfriends."

"Ok, I am now following you. Where are we going? I vote for Arby's. I love the horsey sauce. I shall bring my own horse."

"Happy Mother's Day Reddit! What did you get your mom?"

"The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit."

"""I see people."" - The Fifth Sense"

"Person: Raise your glasses! Me: Hahaha! *raises bottle*"

"Did you hear the Offspring song about how to store mummies? ""You gotta keep 'em desiccated"""

"Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even"

"my wife made me a birthday cake She complained it didn't look anything like Nigella's at all. I told her that's OK, since she doesn't look anything like Nigella either."