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Joke of the Day

"My relationships never worked, because I like my women how I like my coffee... I don't like when my coffee fucks other people."

"Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes."

"A co-worker said to me, ""Could you be any more annoying?"" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work."

"It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than... ...men who point that out."

"What was the last pizza the twin towers had? A plane one."

"This one time in 1993, Brett Favre sent an alpha-numeric representation of his penis to my beeper."

"(Cargo pants filled with tater tots) ""How many do I need to get an Xbox?"" ""Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works."" ""FALSE ADVERTISING!"""

"My mother picked up an Oreo but dropped it... My father looks and her and says, ""too bad you have butter fingers when you want an Oreo."""

"I've always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, ""So, what do we have here?"""

"A guy was admitted to the emergency ward with half a dozen toy horses stuck up his ass. His condition was listed as ""stable""."