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Joke of the Day

"My relationships never worked, because I like my women how I like my coffee... I don't like when my coffee fucks other people."

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese"

"What's between an old woman's breasts that's not between a young woman's breasts? a navel.."

"Sherbet is great if someone asks you for ice cream and you hate them."

"[after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*"

"What's the definition of a cannibal? Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!"

"How did Sarah Palin see Russia from her house? She didn't, it was just an Aleutian."

"Curiosity is on #Mars. Sure went a long way after killing the cat."

"The worst thing about turning up at the ER drunk at 4am is explaining to the nurse that my 9 year old drove here."

"I got rear-ended in traffic the other day Thank God i wasn't in my car."