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Joke of the Day

"Son: ""Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"" Dad: ""Hmm. You are my son. Of that, I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."""

"THE RIGHT ONE HOW CAN YOU BE CERTAIN YOU FOUND THE RIGHT ONE? AFTER YOU PASS GAS,THEY HAVENT FILED FOR AN ORDER OF PROTECTION"

"The wife's only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels"

"Top 5 oxymorons: 1. Jumbo shrimp 2. Civil war 3. Virtual reality 4. Great outdoors 5. Family vacation"

"I got kicked out of the library for putting a ""Women's Rights"" book in the the fiction section."

"Sex with me is a lot like gun control. Some of you want it, but we all know it's not going to work down south."

"What's the difference between a homeless man and a trash can? One of them gets taken in every once in a while."

"Did you hear about the eel party last night? It was electric"

"told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco"

"I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them."