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Joke of the Day
"I married a dog. My wife is a bitch."
Next Joke
"Selfie Stick - Picture taking device used when the internet has made you so socially awkward you can't ask a stranger to take a pic for you"
"I don't have sex with my sister because it's unacceptable and gross. I have sex with her because it's kinky."
"Your iTunes is working just fine. Would you like to update it?"
"Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana"
"Why did the cat befriend the dog? Because the dog let the cat out of the bag! Haha!"
"Anonymous now declared war on ISIS... It's now a hacking contest."
"Sex with my ex was like Disneyland. I'd have to wait in line for an hour and a half and when it was finally my turn I wasn't big enough to get on the ride."
"Me: I haven't tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on... *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived."
"Finished christmas shopping for my entire family. *walks out of pharmacy*"