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Joke of the Day

"Your iTunes is working just fine. Would you like to update it?"

"How do you know if the wool in your socks came from New Zealand? They've already got cum stains before you open the package."

"[deathbed] ME: Give me that sword & I'll haunt it when I die SON: I made this [hands me cake] ME: No! [dies] CAKE: [in my voice] God damn it"

"I wanted to fold the toilet paper and use it again... but felt that it was too tainted"

"When I was young, sticking my tongue out to someone was like giving them the middle finger."

"I hate the French They give me the Crepes"

"The bible says you can't buy your way into heaven but there isn't a church in the country that won't encourage you to try."

"Why did hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill."

"Two cats cross a river... first cats name is un deux trois. The second cats name is one two three. Which cat made it across? The second cat because un deux trois cat sank."

"It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor."