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Joke of the Day

"IMPROV PERFORMER: I need a suggestion. PERSON (from the back) BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER! IP: Okay, someone that's not my wife."

"The only way I'd ever get to ""bang"" a hot chick, is if I run up to one and slam her head into a wall."

"""Why don't British people pronounce their T's? Because they're all in the Boston harbor."""

"A hawk snatched my gf's chihuahua today.. ..it got rid of that annoying bitch for me in one fowl swoop."

"I do this amazing trick where I can erase every restaurant from your memory. Ready? Ok, here goes... ""Where should we go for dinner?"""

"How did the farmer find his wife? He tractor down."

"What do we want?! Low flying planes! When do we want them?! Neeeeeeooooowwwwwwwww"

"Had a terrible nightmare last night... I dreamt that I was forced to eat two huge marshmallows. When I woke up this morning, my pillows were gone!"

"I like to sit outside Barnes & Noble with my iPad and make caveman noises at the people coming out with real books."

"Can you guys give me the names of some famous athletes and prisoners? I'm making a pros and cons list."