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Joke of the Day

"Cashier: haha that's a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:... Cashier:... Me:... Cashier:... Me: yep"

"I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I told her that's a big word for a 7 year old"

"Women are only terrible at parking because we're constantly being lied to about what 9 inches is"

"Adrian Veidt's wife walks into his bedroom and finds him with another woman. As she approaches him with angry tears, he says ""I did it 35 minutes ago."""

"Why can't Iron Man stay in a steady relationship? He has rust issues."

"*getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?"

"""Knock, Knock..."" ""Who's there?"" ""I Love Mop"""

"I want to to to tell you a pun. That's two to too to."

"A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: ""Show me if what they say about black men is true"". He grabs her purse and runs"