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Joke of the Day

"Well my father always told me, ""when life gives you lemons, chances are you're in the fruit aisle and shouldn't overthink the situation Edit: words"

"As a young southern farmer I used to dread wasting my time with hoes Now finally I can afford a tractor"

"What drink does hitler hate the most? Juice"

"Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty."

"I asked my wife for the newspaper I said to my wife, ""Get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,"" she replied, ""you can borrow my iPad."" The spider didn't see that coming."

"Why do women watch porn movies from start to finish ? They think there will be a wedding at the end."

"Girl, You're like the devil. Hot as hell and horny."

"I feel sorry for the people who are supporting Hillary. Living without a brain must be difficult."

"Whats the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job does not give you a raise."

"Space-X just used a multi-stage propellent catapult to send a small group of cattle into low-earth orbit. Its the first heard shot 'round the world."