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Joke of the Day

"A one-legged and a blind man are arguing The one-legged man says: ""I'm gonna kick your ass!"". The blind man replies: ""Sure, I'd like to see that!"""

"How many babies does it take to paint a fence? Depends how hard you throw them"

"Do you know a good veterinarian? Got asked this by a friend the other day. Hey, do you know a good veterinarian? <he starts flexing his muscles> 'cause these puppies are SICK."

"I bought a shower curtain on Amazon once and now every time I log in Amazon acts like I'm the guy who fucking loves buying shower curtains."

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge ""This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."" So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold. - What the hell did she mean?"

"Anyone who thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever has obviously never left Pizza Rolls in too long."

"What does ISIS and a great joke have in common? A great execution."

"Who was the marketing genius who decided to call killer whales ""killer whales"" instead of ""sea pandas""???"

"Why are branches attached to trees? Because they stick"

"Beached whale Today I got in trouble at work for throwing water on a lady... I just thought that's what your suppose to do for a beached whale"