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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Can you send these party invites out? ME: Sure *throws them out window* WIFE: Did you- ME: If they're meant to come, they'll come."

"A man fighting a war finds an ancient lance capable of healing wounds rather than creating them. He names the weapon ""Ambu-lance"""

"Photographers are so violent. They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Hodor"

"Black jokes and Mexican jokes are all the same... Once you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal."

"Spilled yogurt on my shirt and now I can't stop thinking of selling shirts made of yogurt. The Yoshirt. I taste potential. And mixed berry."

"What do you call a fat North Korean? Supreme Leader."

"I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks."

"Why can't you hear it when a pteranodon goes to the bathroom? Because they're all dead."

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.. .. he said he couldn't complain."