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Joke of the Day

"How does NASA organize a party? They planet. Sorry."

"Ladders causes more accidents in homes than guns That's why I have 10 guns, incase some psycho tries to sneak in a ladder. Gravity Falls has the best jokes."

"So it turns out that my girlfriend has been starring in amateur voyeurism porn videos. Boy is she going to be pissed when she finds out!"

"Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?"

"I'm like a kid. People like me best when I'm quiet or sleeping."

"I'm so proud of myself. I went to Costco hungry and only spent $17,000."

"Q: What do kids like to eat in the playground? A: Recess Pieces."

"My ex girlfriend kept stuffed animals all over her bed. It really killed the mood... ...because she was a taxidermist."

"Finally found a house! We couldn't afford it and it wasn't for sale, but we just murdered the owners and took it anyway. Happy Columbus Day!"

"How did God get Mary pregnant? He used the holy immaculate contraception"