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Joke of the Day

"I like how politicians always address us like we are positive, civic-minded, motivated people. I think we're all a bunch of fat jerks."

"My 5/o just said ""That's Classic!!"" WTF is classic to a 5 y/o? Blues Clues??"

"Where do sad Ukrainians go? Crimea River."

"You tell me to ""walk a mile in your shoes"" but the second I break into your house to steal your shoes, you call the cops. Make up your mind."

"Love is a lot like magic, both are fake and there's always some asshole trying to ruin the illusion for you."

"what idiot caled it ""king arthur adn the knigts of the roumd table"" insted of a ""circumference sir conference"""

"Lunch Me and the girlfriend went out for lunch today. Money is a bit tight so after the meal she said ""lets go Dutch"". I said ""Fook that lets go Greek"" and we both legged it"

"Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary? They couldn't afford it."

"Deathblade the Biker Gang leader ran over a land mine. He died like he rode: all over the place."

"Why did the masturbating murderer turn himself in? He came to his senses."