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Joke of the Day

"[mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*"

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo."

"I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous."

"What do you get when you mix the atlantic with the titanic About half way"

"You can make jokes about anything; just not Mexicans. That's crossing the border."

"I'm rubber, you're glue. He's scissors, she's a toner cartridge, those fellas are paperclips. Welcome to the supply closet pal."

"Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Oh my... not that close. I can't breathe. How are you so strong? LET ME GO TINY DANCER"

"My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed."

"I bet you guys want to hear a joke about my penis. Nevermind, it's pretty long."

"What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common? Going down on any of them would be horrifying."