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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm so tired I need to sleep. Ambien: Here I'll help... Hey don't forget to take off your clothes and pretend that you're snow! Me: K"

"""I love watching myself in the mirror while I shoot dope."" Said Tom in vain."

"I don't see why everyone resents the Headless Horseman... All he wanted was head."

"My dad told me... My dad told me that if I don't get off reddit now he would slam my face on the keybioshdauiewbnfkbhwFIOEWJHFUI9WREFH p9efyh WHBUHF WFH89WRQ FUIWF QUIUIRP P"

"What is a ghost's favorite Wild West town? Tombstone."

"What did Helen Keller say when her dog died?"

"There's one nice thing about getting Alzheimers I'm making new friends every day!"

"Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing."

"That you don't tell the answer before you ask the question. What is the most important thing to remember when telling a joke?"

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off."