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Joke of the Day

"Last night I dreamt that I wrote 'Lord of the Rings'. I realized I was just Tolkien in my sleep..."

"If you told me 100% of serial killers were ""morning people"" I'd believe you."

"The 3 tragedies. The 3 tragedies in a man's life: 1) Life sucks. 2) Job sucks. 3) Wife doesn't."

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on Suicide The Librarian says: Fuck off, You wont bring it back."

"Q: What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains? A: Patty O'Furniture."

"I just want to win the Powerball lottery and eat unlimited carbs for the rest of my days."

"Did the girl ever go to the whore Olympics? Nah, she couldn't be fucked."

"Did you hear about the new Obama Healthcare Burrito? You don't find out whats in it until you pass it..."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend He wiped"

"Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing? Yeah, me neither."